Have you ever gone through something that made you want to turn around and walk away from the problem, perhaps from your life, or maybe even from God? Some things challenge us so much that we intuitively revolt against them. Sometimes we are faced with something so distressing that it makes us doubt what we had believed to be true or doubt a decision we had made.
In today’s Gospel, many of Jesus’ followers were so challenged by His teaching that they did walk away. They could not reconcile what they believed with what they were hearing from Him, so they gave up.
Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, “Do you also want to leave?” The disciples were confused too and did not know what to make of Jesus’ claim, but they knew they needed to see Him through to the end. They knew Him too well and had seen and heard enough that they could not abandon Him. I love Peter’s answer: “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”
There was a night this past summer when I was again at a breaking point. Life had been too heavy for too long, and many things were pressing in on me. Needing to clear my head, I ran out the door into the dark garage and backed the car down the driveway. Though I did not feel like praying and tried to avoid it, I ended up exactly where I knew I would: sitting in the car outside church.
Knowing Jesus was just beyond the wall of the church building, I repeated Peter’s words, “Lord, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life.” I could not deny the difficulty I was being asked to bear, but the difficulty did not erase the truth that Jesus is God and that He was right there with me, guiding me through this time.
To whom shall I go? To Jesus, always back to Jesus. To His arms, to His redeeming power, to His love and mercy. Like Peter and the apostles, I have experienced and seen enough that I have come to believe He is the Holy One of God and I cannot live my life without Him.
I wish I could say things became better immediately after that. They did not. I am continuing to live my brokenness in a very real way and continuing to face challenges I am not equipped to handle. But I continue to do my best to walk with Jesus because I know I cannot leave Him.
To whom shall we go? In good times and in bad, Jesus is Lord, and He has the words of eternal life. Even in difficult times, by His side is the best place to be.
Daily Reading
Tuesday of Fifth Week of Easter
Reading 1 Acts 14:19-28 In those days, some Jews from Antioch and Iconium arrived and won over the crowds. They stoned Paul and dragged him out of the city, supposing…
Saint of the Day
St. Bernardine of Siena
St. Bernardine of Siena
Feast date: May 20
The Catholic Church honors St. Bernardine of Siena on May 20. A Franciscan friar and preacher, St. Bernardine is known as “the Apostle of Italy” for his efforts to revive the country’s Catholic faith during the 15th century.Bernardine Albizeschi was born to upper-class parents in the Italian republic of Siena during 1380. Misfortune soon entered the boy’s life when he lost his mother at age three and his father four years later. His aunt Diana cared for him afterward, and taught him to seek consolation and security by trusting in God. Even at a young age, Bernardine demonstrated a remarkable concern for the poor as an outgrowth of his love for God. Having become accustomed to fasting, he preferred at times to go without any food in order to help someone in greater need. From the ages of 11 to 17 he focused on his studies, developing the eloquence and dedication that would serve his future work as an evangelist. Before becoming a preacher, however, Bernardine spent several years ministering to the sick and dying. He enrolled in a religious association that served at a hospital in the town of Scala, and applied himself to this work from 1397 to 1400. During that time, a severe plague broke out in Siena, causing a crisis that would eventually lead to the young man taking charge of the entire hospital. Inside its walls, up to 20 people were dying each day from an illness that also killed many of the hospital workers. The staff was decimated and new victims were coming in constantly.Bernardine persuaded 12 young men to help him continue the work of the hospital, which he took over for a period of four months. Although the plague did not infect him, the exhausting work left him weak and he contracted a different sickness that kept him in bed for four months. After recovering, he spent over a year caring for his aunt Bartholomaea before her death. Then the 22-year-old Bernardine moved to a small house outside the city, where he began to discern God’s will for his future through prayer and fasting. He eventually chose to join the Franciscans of the Strict Observance in 1403, embracing an austere life focused on poverty and humility. During this time, while praying before a crucifix, Bernardine heard Christ say to him: “My son, behold me hanging upon a cross. If you love me, or desire to imitate me, be also fastened naked to your cross and follow me. Thus you will assuredly find me.” After Bernardine was ordained a priest, his superiors commissioned him to preach as a missionary to the Italians who were falling away from their Catholic faith. The Dominican evangelist St. Vincent Ferrer, just before leaving Italy, preached a sermon in which he predicted that one of his listeners would continue his work among the Italians – a prophecy Bernardine heard in person, and went on to fulfill.Bernardine’s personal devotion to God, which amazed even the strict Franciscans, made his preaching extremely effective. He moved his hearers to abandon their vices, turn back to God, and make peace with one another. He promoted devotion to the name of Jesus as a simple and effective means of recalling God’s love at all times. When other priests consulted him for advice, Bernardine gave them a simple rule: “In all your actions, seek in the first place the kingdom of God and his glory. Direct all you do purely to his honor. Persevere in brotherly charity, and practice first all that you desire to teach others.”“By this means,” he said, “the Holy Spirit will be your master, and will give you such wisdom and such a tongue that no adversary will be able to stand against you.” Bernardine’s own life attested to this source of strength in the face of trials. He patiently suffered an accusation of heresy – which Pope Martin V judged to be false – and refused to abandon his bold preaching when a nobleman threatened him with death.But Bernardine was also widely admired throughout Italy, and he was offered the office of a bishop on three occasions. Each time, however, he turned down the position, choosing to fulfill the prediction of St. Vincent Ferrer through his missionary work. Bernardine preached throughout most of Italy several times over, and even managed to reconcile members of its warring political factions. Later in his life, Bernardine served for five years as the Vicar General for his Franciscan order, and revived the practice of its strict rule of life. Then in 1444, forty years after he first entered religious life, Bernardine became sick while traveling. He continued to preach, but soon lost his strength and his voice. St. Bernardine of Siena died on May 20, 1444. Only six years later, in 1450, Pope Nicholas V canonized him as a saint.